Deeper than usual...Cryptic to a fault...

When do you stop living for everyone else and start living for yourself? Maybe that is the wrong question....

When do you stop letting the things others do and say affect you in a way that your whole world crumbles? When do you get back to you? HOW do you get back to you? 

It's not easy to find the balance b/t emotions. It is so much easier to be "all or nothing," but so much less healthy in the end. Things that happen to the people you love, things that the people you love do that are less than anything you would expect - all of these things are so draining - mentally, physically and emotionally. 

How do you get over disillusion and disappointment? Can you ever find your way back to the relationships you once had? Or, at the very least, start over - grow into new relationships with familiar people?

Just a question...

If I wanted to do your job, I would have applied for it...

Seriously, people. WTF do I look like? Ok, now that THAT is out of the way....

I finally finished the Twilight series. I tore through those books any chance I got. I really did not want to give into all the teeny-bopper hype, but the movie is coming out and I do love me some vampire love stories, so I gave in. I got sucked into these friggin books! The story as a whole brings out a lot of ....feelings...in me (LOL!) So, it will have to be a blog for another day. But, in the end, I loved the books and I am crazy excited for the movie!! BTW, Twilight fans are rabid - for real. They stalk the actors of the movie, the author of the book. There is this message board called TwiMoms something-or-other. 25 + year old women and their fanatic crushes on a fictional character - you deal with that. 

Jay and I have been cooking nightly. I know you are probably thinking, "OK - so?" Well, let me explain - we don't cook. We eat out, or get take out, or have a bowl of cereal. But, we decided we should probably start cooking for a few reasons - 

1 - It is healthier. 

2 - It saves money. 

3 - If we ever want to have kids, they are going to want "real" meals like their friends get.

4 - It is a fun thing to do together. 

So, yea, we've been trying some stuff out. It IS fun. And, we get to goof off and make it a little competition, etc. I feel better, too, in general. Like a real life grown-up. 

Football starts tomorrow - er, correction, the GIANTS SEASON OPENER is tomorrow. That makes me smile. Also, my guilty pleasure TV shows are back on - 

-Gossip Girl - It was good. The show is just visually stimulating and fast-paced and has really great music. The acting is meh at best, but Blair & Chuck bring out the bitch and I can appreciate that. 

-One Tree Hill- So, I wasn't happy about a certain decision made by a certain character in the season premier, but whatevs. I can't have all television go my way. It looks like it will be a dark, kind of scary season this year. 

-90210- It is a VERY new take on a VERY classic show. The series premier was laughable, but of course I will continue to watch. I think they shoulda just brought all of the old 90210-ers back for like, "The Mid-Life Years," or something. And, wtf happened to Shannen Doherty's mouth? She has a gap in her front teeth - that's is all well and good, but it was never there before. WTF?

Oh, did you watch the Democratic Nat'l Convention? Admittedly, I only watched Barack's speech. If Jay wasn't yapping in the background, I would have been in tears. It was a great speech. 

Ok, I need to clean and put clothes away and then Jay and I are walking b/c it is too gorgeous outside to be in. 

My first blog...

So, a girl I know from an online message board has inspired me to blog. (Thanks, Marni.) It seems like a good way to vent, express my joy, ramble on, brainstorm ideas, just whatever. So far, so good, eh? I call it the diary I never had. 

I always tried to keep a diary, starting in junior high. I wrote about dumb things: boys I liked, boys I hated, boys I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole, girls I hate, girls that were my friends but I didn't really like. Normal, pre-teen hormonal crap. Then, I would always stop after a week or two because I found better stuff to do: flirt with the boys I liked, be mean to the boys I didn't like (which I will later in life learn means I really DID like them and this was how to really flirt!), throw myself into re-invention (My skater phase, my gangster phase, my stoner phase...)

Well, I am still hormonal, definitely adult and not-so-normal. I am goofy as hell! I wouldn't have it any other way. Also, I have figured out who my real friends are - I love all the ones I have now! 

And, the boys - well, there is this one guy....he has my heart. Always has, really, and always will. So, I am marrying him - 10.24.08. Yikes - really close! He is my best friend. I know a lot of people say this about their significant other, but we were friends long before we were lovers. 

So, here I sit, typing away on this gorgeous day! It is really hot and muggy out, though, so maybe I will stay here for a while. It is therapeutic already. I am amazed. 

I hope you all enjoy my ramblings thus far and continue to enjoy them. Xoxo!